Paralyzed From the Brain Down - April 3, 2020

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To say the past weeks have been weird is an understatement. I have been trying to work from home, but it's difficult. What's worse is that I'm home more, but am completely unable to paint! I'm paralyzed and I can't figure out what's wrong. My husband says all psychological problems are inherently fixable if you can articulate what the problem is. So when I can't articulate it, I feel worse, like it's only ME standing in the way of feeling better. If only I were smarter.
One fun thing is that my siblings and I are all talking more online. Yesterday we had the best conversation because one never-available-when-we-group-call sibling actually took part! Unfortunately, they also got mad when I took a (lot) screenshots. I touched up one of the screenshots to show how they should really feel about me. 

I'm thinking of downloading some filters for my next meeting at work and looking like the potato lady I can't stop laughing at this picture. 

And laugh…

Pregnant With Possibility - February 27, 2020


There are people who have the gift of writing well. I am not one of them. I promise that the inside of my mind is much prettier than what comes out here on the digital page.

Art - as I understand it - is a form of communication, a way of expressing the thoughts or feelings of the artist through their medium. It seems true because so many artists I follow on social media say they are expressing themselves when they post about what they have made. I, on the other hand, seem to be an artistic neanderthal. Me no express good.

When I think about it too much, I have to ask myself, "Is it because I've got nothing in my noggin?" That's obviously not true. So, is it that I have nothing to say? Meh - maybe.

Perhaps it's that I don't want to tell people what I think. That's like the pearl inside my shell and I don't want to share that with just everyone. I'm not an art floozy.

Yet I notice in my day to day interactions, I'm desperate to connect with people - I overshare in the attempt to draw them in and share deep thoughts. I realized from the Josie Lewis TEDx talk that I experience flow when I have deep conversations with others. And people get addicted to that intense feeling of flow and seek it out.

But art isn't (as far as I can tell) a two-way conversation. I don't see how I can experience connection with my art. So, am I looking for the wrong result from my art?

I like pretty colors and shapes. I don't feel capable of sharing deep philosophical or spiritual things I think or feel. That's for friends when we talk or write (Holly!). Is it enough to say, "Here world! This is something I think is pretty! Enjoy! Love you!"?

Comments

Holly said…
I don't feel like art is a conversation, either. I hate sharing it publically, my neck bristles when people I don't know talk about it. It's like that book, Rainbow Fish. I HATE THIS BOOK. The rainbow fish is beautiful, and everyone is resentful until the fish rips its body apart to give them all a piece, until it is no longer special. But I love when people I care about look hard at something I've done without having to comment on it, or if they say, "That one is mine, obviously." I'll give it straight to them. It's personal.

And I see you in all these pieces, and I love them.

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