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Showing posts from February, 2010

Paralyzed From the Brain Down - April 3, 2020

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To say the past weeks have been weird is an understatement. I have been trying to work from home, but it's difficult. What's worse is that I'm home more, but am completely unable to paint! I'm paralyzed and I can't figure out what's wrong. My husband says all psychological problems are inherently fixable if you can articulate what the problem is. So when I can't articulate it, I feel worse, like it's only ME standing in the way of feeling better. If only I were smarter.
One fun thing is that my siblings and I are all talking more online. Yesterday we had the best conversation because one never-available-when-we-group-call sibling actually took part! Unfortunately, they also got mad when I took a (lot) screenshots. I touched up one of the screenshots to show how they should really feel about me. 

I'm thinking of downloading some filters for my next meeting at work and looking like the potato lady I can't stop laughing at this picture. 

And laugh…

Eating at Me

From a blog I read:

then i gave up sugar.
and i had to rethink everything i ate.
i would be hungry and have to figure out what to eat and nothing sounded good because
i only ate sugary things before.
(before means for 34 years i would eat sweet stuff all day long)
then i would have to decide if i was really even hungry.
then the next thought was "why am i hungry?"i realized that whenever i have an emotion that is remotely strong...bad OR good....
I EAT.
having five kids leads to many strong feelings in one hour let alone a day or a week.

a few weeks ago i was alone in the car and i said out loud
"UGH! my mom was right!"
(my mom is soooo happy right now reading that i am sure!)

I realized that my life IS stressful...not anymore than most people's but still....it's stressful.
and i had been eating all the stress.
if i felt anything i would eat.
then the feeling would go away somewhat.
i would feel more calm and regulated emotionally.
so now that i was not eating sugar....
i was…

Out Walking

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On Monday I was having one of those "Can Do" days where my mind knew exactly what I had to do, in what order and how long it would take. I graded my papers, packed up my Etsy orders, started dinner and got Kenneth ready to go to my work so I could pick up some things I'd left in someone's office. When we got in the car, I couldn't help but notice how pretty it was outside - the clouds were huge and puffy, the sun was clear and shining and it felt like SPRING!

But I had errands to run. At that moment, I cursed my choices that gave me so little time. Quickly, I ran over all my errands to see if there was anything I could postpone - not really. If I had my way, I'd have been back at the house to get my camera and pack up the kid and head for the hills. What great photography weather!

But I am a grown up now and I have responsibilities. So I finished the errands (only took two hours and some of that was spent at the park with Kenneth!), came home, picked up the cam…

The Price of Fame?

On Saturday I checked my email at noon. To what did my wondering eyes did appear but a billion messages from Etsy!

I wondered what had happened that I was getting attention (a welcome thing indeed). So I checked out Heartomatic. I hadn't been on a front page. Hmm. Oh, there is a section for The Storque at the bottom. Oh, I was one of their Related Items...

It's nice to be related!

But now I have lots of packages to ship! Ai yi yi! So much for a simple life!

Wildflowers

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Even though I've been working nearly every Saturday that we have the kids, I've still wanted the opportunity to do family activities. While driving home from work last night - I had an idea for an activity. The wildflowers are blooming!

After church, I had everyone rush around and put on outside clothes while I put the roast on and we got into the car and drove a couple of miles to where the hills and open spaces start. We simply pulled off to one side of the two-lane road and got out. We climbed up the hillside and this is what I saw...

Someday I will have lived here long enough to know what this flower is called (anyone? anyone?). The hillsides are dotted with them and I picked a huge bunch to take home. Kenneth spent his time (and, consequently we had to spend OUR time) running and running and running. Up the hill and down the hill and across the grass and on and on.

Here's one of my favorites... I love the flowers on the horizon...




Kenneth is being held down by his arms -…

I Like this Painting

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Should I have capitalized "this" in my title? Hmm...

I really like this painting. The first time I saw it I was floored. It captured a feeling that I never imagined. It was like looking behind the scenes of the bible to what people FELT - not just what was recorded. I like that "this is what it felt like" stuff. It's called "The Disciples Peter and John Running to the Sepulchre on the Morning of the Resurrection". A bit wordy, I'll admit. It was painted by Eugene Burnand in 1898 or so. It hangs in the Musée d’Orsay in Paris. Yep, I got to go there once upon a time.

Caddie Woodlawn

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I finished another one of the children's books I've set myself to read this year - Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink. I've known about this book for YEARS, but refused to read it - I think I thought her name was stupid. Caddie- like a golf thing.

The book is about Caddie Woodlawn, a pioneer girl living in the Wisconsin during the 1860's. What struck me at first was that the book took place at the same time and place as Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House in the Big Woods. But that is where the comparison ends. Where Laura never talks about the difficulty of being brought up as a pioneer lady, Caddie is faced with it constantly. Her father made a bargain with her mother - he wanted to improve Caddie's frail health as a little girl by letting her grow up "with the boys" - outside, wild and free. She seems to have had a lot more spirit and spunk than Laura had, but so many other aspects of her life were different than the Ingalls family - more childr…

To Fossil Falls - A Heather's Tale (or Fossil Falls pt. 1)

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When we were first married, nearly five years ago, Brian told me about Fossil Falls. It's an old lava flow out in the middle of the desert where you can see lava formations in all their glory. I, being the rock-o-phile that I am, have wanted to go there ever since.

We had the kids on Monday, due to a kind trade with their mom (although with much trepidation on the mom's part because the kids had coughs). By 8:30am, we were on the road!

Mack always looks like this in pictures. I don't know what she THINKS she looks like, but I don't think she knows she looks like this. Kiff just looks like Kiff. He has NO idea that he's going to be in the car for nearly five hours... Bwa ha ha ha ha (and Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo to me). He doesn't look this serene later.

Here's the road on the way out of Bakersfield. Lots of farmland right before the canyon. You can see that V-shaped notch on the right? That's the canyon!

It's not really this green, but I can't help color…

A-Templing We Will Go

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On Friday, Brian and I both were fortunate enough to have time off from work to go to the temple for the first time in months... Since my work schedule changed to every Friday and Saturday, we haven't been able to go. But I was off by 1pm and we were in the car cruising down the highway by 2pm.

The grapevine is the mountainous area south of Bakersfield that you have to go through to reach LA. I love the geological structures - you can see how the earth has been in major upheaval (when is our next earthquake? Eek!). For a few months between Christmas and summertime, the mountains are vaguely green. I didn't see any wildflowers, but the colors were beautiful, nonetheless...



Rocks! I love rocks!


Look! It's us in the back of a tanker!



Here's the first peek you get of the temple from the freeway. (It's the little white tower-looking thing above the white car) It was bumper to bumper (of course it was - Friday afternoon! All the movie stars are getting up and going to their …

Magic Mushrooms

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Have I mentioned I love mushrooms?


Brian thinks they are all poisonous and that I'm going to die because I touch them.


I just love the idea of sitting under one.


Like a little house.

Bakersfield Sunsets

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The rain and clouds have made for some stunning sunsets. When I was in college, I'd come home between semesters and go out in the backyard every evening to watch the sunset. My family was very into watching TV - which I hated, so I ran away to be alone and quiet. Being outside, looking up at the sky, made me think about things bigger than myself. Any concerns I might have didn't usually go away, but the mental break made me forget, even if it was just for a little while. My favorite time of day is just when the sun is going down - it's magical looking at the sky, trying to figure out exactly where day ends and night begins...

My future hangout, our backyard, is going to be a work-in-progress for a while so I won't be able to meditate back there. But once it's habitable, watch out! I'm going to be the sunset queen again.

Taking Time for NOW

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I picked up a book this morning called "It's All Too Much". I've only read a few pages, but it's forcing me to ask myself whether the Things I Have In My Life are taking me toward or away from my life goals.

I ask this because I've been thinking about ALL THOSE BOOKS I have squirreled away in closets and out in the garage. I don't really have time for them because I'm doing my paper beads and teaching those college classes.

But I'm not very brave about getting rid of things. The book asks, "Who's the boss? You or your possessions?"

Ay yi yi!

Macro Mushrooms

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It's continued to rain, but Bakersfield has grown more and more beautiful. It only took four and a half years, but I now think this place is great! The mushrooms that grow in my front yard on the old stump are HUGE! My camera makes them look haunting...

My Morning

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I was woken up at 7:30am this morning with a phone call from my sis-in-law/sitter. Could she please pick up the kid in 15 minutes? So I got out of bed and went into the kid's room. He'd been up for about an hour in the middle of the night, crying for no good reason, so he was still asleep. That keening wail he does when he's asleep-crying is so hard to listen to - it cuts me - so I was awake for awhile afterwards. Of course, he was still sleeping. Quietly. Too bad you can't save quiet sleep for when you really need them to use it - at night! I picked him up, breaking my back by leaning over his bedrail, and hefted him over to his brother's bed (Alex only uses the bed four nights/month - it's a good extra space). There I peeled off his sleepers and changed his diaper. Kiff woke up slowly - smiling first with his eyes closed and turning over to hide under a pillow. Naked, butt up. Attractive! He has a small hole at the base of his spine that stares up at me when …

Watercolor Wednesday

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Kenneth was picked up early today by my sitter (sister-in-law), so I had an unexpected hour. My paints were still in my bedroom (of course - why would they be anywhere else - sheesh!) so I cleared off my bed and arranged the works in progress on my trusty art board (I've had it since high school) and got to work.

There was a moment when I thought to myself, I've done enough for today - anymore and you'll start to ruin them.

But I continued on.

And I think I've ruined several.

Live and learn, eh?

I like this one. Maybe.