Paralyzed From the Brain Down - April 3, 2020

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To say the past weeks have been weird is an understatement. I have been trying to work from home, but it's difficult. What's worse is that I'm home more, but am completely unable to paint! I'm paralyzed and I can't figure out what's wrong. My husband says all psychological problems are inherently fixable if you can articulate what the problem is. So when I can't articulate it, I feel worse, like it's only ME standing in the way of feeling better. If only I were smarter.
One fun thing is that my siblings and I are all talking more online. Yesterday we had the best conversation because one never-available-when-we-group-call sibling actually took part! Unfortunately, they also got mad when I took a (lot) screenshots. I touched up one of the screenshots to show how they should really feel about me. 

I'm thinking of downloading some filters for my next meeting at work and looking like the potato lady I can't stop laughing at this picture. 

And laugh…

Knowing Myself


Beware - philosophy post.

For the past several days I have been so angry at my husband. Brian has children from a previous marriage and the relationship Brian and I have with his ex is fraught with tension. I've always tried to see the best in others and blah blah blah. I'm such a wonderful person. See how righteously I act so it's obvious the other person is horrible. Whatever.

It's not so much how the ex acts as how Brian acts with her. I disagree with his actions and decisions. Strongly. I want certain things to happen. But they never do. And Brian will never address those concerns. So there is always this tug of war going on. I couldn't tell you who it is between: me and Brian, me and the ex?

I have no idea how to act in this situation. I don't know what expectations I am allowed to have - by allowed, I mean What Heavenly Father Wants Me to Do. My sister asked me if I've fasted about it.

Confession: I've lost my testimony of fasting. Actually, I've never had one. I hate fasting. I have succumbed over the past five years to giving up fasting. And I need to get back to it again. Hopefully, if I can control myself, I can know myself better. And what my Father wants of me.

My sister has agreed to fast with me this weekend. I really want to know what to do about the relationship with Brian's ex. I want to know what I can righteously expect of my husband. I want to not have horrible regrets at the end of my life for how I act now.

Here's keeping fingers crossed.

Comments

RoMo said…
I hope you get an answer you can use. Fasting is pretty powerful.

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