Paralyzed From the Brain Down - April 3, 2020

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To say the past weeks have been weird is an understatement. I have been trying to work from home, but it's difficult. What's worse is that I'm home more, but am completely unable to paint! I'm paralyzed and I can't figure out what's wrong. My husband says all psychological problems are inherently fixable if you can articulate what the problem is. So when I can't articulate it, I feel worse, like it's only ME standing in the way of feeling better. If only I were smarter.
One fun thing is that my siblings and I are all talking more online. Yesterday we had the best conversation because one never-available-when-we-group-call sibling actually took part! Unfortunately, they also got mad when I took a (lot) screenshots. I touched up one of the screenshots to show how they should really feel about me. 

I'm thinking of downloading some filters for my next meeting at work and looking like the potato lady I can't stop laughing at this picture. 

And laugh…

I Can't Do It All

When I was a little girl, I thought grownups knew everything. Now that I'm a grownup (gulp), I see that I'm still pretty much the same person I've always been. It's like there is a 5 year-old, a 17 year-old, a 25 year-old, a 41 year-old and probably older ones inside of me all at the same time. Different situations bring out my different selves.

I've been dying inside because I've not had much making-time. I work full-time, commute an hour a day, have a husband who is going to school full-time in addition to working full-time, have stepchildren who visit every other weekend and have a two-year old son WHO-WILL-PROBABLY-DIE-IF-I-DON'T-WATCH-HIM-EVERY-SINGLE-
MINUTE-BECAUSE-HE-GETS-INTO-EVERYTHING!

The grownup Heather who is older than I am has finally spoken up and shown me that it's okay not to do big things for right now. No crafting domination for me (hi, Lisa!). If I'm able to do something little here and there, that's going to be just right.

For now. Until the husband finishes school, the baby grows older and the stepchildren learn to drive themselves. Still, those days will have their own trials. I'll survive and it'll be okay.

Comments

You know I'm giggling right now over the shout out, right?

It's a struggle, it really is, but know that you're not alone. I get really fidgety when I don't get any time to decompress, create, daydream, doodle... There are just so many things to do and so many people who need my attention lest, like you said, they DIE because they're running in traffic or eating some poisonous berry.

I do think it's important that you do make time to create, even if it isn't to the degree you'd like. I think of it as a mental health break. :D

Hang in there.
Heather Eddy said…
I'm hanging, but it's only by a finger!

I wonder if this is how you were right after the baby was born, when I told you *you* would be okay, too...
Holly said…
it gets better suddenly, just about at 3 years old, with more independent play and consistent sleeping at night. You're sooo close!

For Mother's Day, Mike asked me what I wanted, and I said, "Take these beautiful wonderful sweet children and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Because we love them. And we need them to go away before we eat them.

*hugs*
Heather Eddy said…
Eating children. Good idea!

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