Paralyzed From the Brain Down - April 3, 2020

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To say the past weeks have been weird is an understatement. I have been trying to work from home, but it's difficult. What's worse is that I'm home more, but am completely unable to paint! I'm paralyzed and I can't figure out what's wrong. My husband says all psychological problems are inherently fixable if you can articulate what the problem is. So when I can't articulate it, I feel worse, like it's only ME standing in the way of feeling better. If only I were smarter.
One fun thing is that my siblings and I are all talking more online. Yesterday we had the best conversation because one never-available-when-we-group-call sibling actually took part! Unfortunately, they also got mad when I took a (lot) screenshots. I touched up one of the screenshots to show how they should really feel about me. 

I'm thinking of downloading some filters for my next meeting at work and looking like the potato lady I can't stop laughing at this picture. 

And laugh…

No, I'm not dead!

I keep thinking that I can't post anything unless I've got a picture. Quite frankly, I'm terrible at being patient enough to take the pictures, edit them and post them. I get distracted with 26 other things I could be doing!

Another thing, too, is that all my pictures of my beads look the same. Ooh, look at me printing bead sheets. Look at me cutting them. Look at me rolling them. See me dip. See me make 3 pairs of the same thing. Boring. And I'm not at home during the daytime, so I can't take pictures that look well enough anyway.

Can you tell there are other things in my life bothering me? I'm going to find out on Tuesday if I'm pregnant or if it's another false hope. I'm now more than 3 weeks late and my sister made me call the doctor's office to find out if I should get checked out. I totally expected them to say, "oh it's normal to skip every once in a while. It's your body taking a break." Instead I was told that I was too young for menopause and I needed to be given a blood test. But how can five negative pregnancy tests be wrong?

I don't 'feel' pregnant except for wanting to cry all the time. I also want to be pregnant so much that I'm dreading finding out that I'm not. Bleh.

So, instead, I stop blogging. It's so much easier to hide that way.

But I have been doing beads. I've posted tons of them in my etsy shop. I'm just not sure what to say when my mind is all worried about this other stuff.

Comments

Allyson said…
Good luck my sister. I always felt you would have another. More pictures of kenneth would be nice though. I love you

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